Pernah baca buku ini? Pertama kali aku denger buku ini di OPRAH. Disitu penulisnya Greg Behrendt & Liz Tucillo jadi bintang tamu. Semua hal yang berkaitan dengan cowo yang bikin cewe bingung dipaparin disitu.Intinya : Sebenernya cowo itu ngga confusing. Ketika cewe ngerasa bingung ama sikap cowonya, sebetulnya they only have one message : THEY’RE NOT INTO YOU…
Begitu dibaca, banyak sih yang bikin aku sadar. It’s really like a wake up call for me. Tapi tetep aja.. Begitu kondisi aku lagi dalam suatu hubungan, semua teori itu tiba-tiba jadi blur. Yang aku inget mostly adalah MAN IN LOVE WOULD DO THE SAME LIKE WOMAN IN LOVE.
Dari pengalaman aku sebelumnya, banyak sih hal yang udah jadi signs. Cuma yah itu dia, kadang yang namanya cewe kalo udah sayang, hal-hal yang negative itu dilupain. Cewe cenderung untuk selalu bikin excuses dan cenderung untuk live in denial karena berusaha untuk mempertahankan hubungannya dan berusaha untuk merasa bahagia, meskipun mungkin kebahagiaan itu semu. Akhirnya begitu putus baru deh semua kebaca.
Yang ironis adalah, I’ve been reading this book twice and still I keep living in denial. Banyak banget hal yang sebenernya udah jadi pertanda bahwa He’s Just Not That into Me, tapi aku dengan sengaja tidak menyadarinya.
Misalnya:
1. Dia ngilang selama 2 hari without any call or sms. Come on, kalo cowo sayang ama cewenya, dia ga bakalan ngilang gitu aja kan? Dia pasti ngasih kabar. Kata buku sih berarti saat itu kita ga ada di pikiran dia. Padahal aku juga ga ngarepin dia untuk ada setiap saat. Kan bisa sebenernya bilang aku mau pergi ke A atau B jadi mungkin ga bakalan bisa nelp lagi atau apalah. It is Ok, but please communicate! Losing contact for 2 days is just too much.
Kondisi di atas kata buku : He’s Just Not That Into You!!
Sadar sih, tapi yah begitu dia nongol lagi dan say sorry, aku langsung maafin (Come on….. Padahal ini udah tanda yang jelas. Another proof that I’m not that smart!)
2. Kata buku : “When a guy is into you, he lets you know it. He calls, he shows up, he wants to meet your friends, he can’t keep his eyes or hands off of you”
Well dia ga pernah bilang kalo dia sayang ama aku, meskipun dia manggil aku sayang (back then it was enough for me). Dia ga pernah mau ketemu temen2 aku dalam artian beneran ngumpul bareng, padahal dia udah kenal sebagian dari mereka. Most of the time, his eyes was not on me yah karna emang kita jarang ketemu. Hmm but at least he called and showed up when he promised me. (Exception for the case above, another denial.. hehe.. )
3. Kata buku : “When a guy is really into you you’ll never see yourself staring maniacally at your phone, willing it to ring. You’ll never see you hating yourself for calling him when you know you shouldn’t have. What you will see is you being treated so well that no phone antics will be necessary. You’ll be too busy being adored.”
Hmm.. believe it or not, when I was still in a relationship with him, I stared maniacally at my phone, wishing that it would ring, that he would call me. I did! Stupid huh? Although he called me almost everyday, ONCE A DAY, but still I was hoping that he might get out of that routine and give me a surprise. Well, he didn’t actually. He only called me at night, sometimes past midnight. Can you imagine how many hours I spent just wondering whether he would call or not? A LOT!! Especially if it’s already midnight and he hasn’t called yet, the wondering got worse.. It’s just crazy!! (Kalo di Cintapuccino namanya Nimo Kronik, kayanya aku kena deh..) Pernah, aku ampe bete ama diri sendiri ketika akhirnya aku nyerah buat nelpon dia duluan after all day long he hasn’t called yet… And I never felt that I was being adored. In fact, I often felt that he doesn’t need me. My existence didn’t give him any impact. My absence was just like another day he had. (Oh God, I was so unbelievable huh???)
4. Kata buku : “If a guy were really into you, you would be the bright spot in his horrible day.”
Apparently not all guys are like that, or he is really just not that into me. Because on his busy days, he completely forgot me. Even in the end I found out that he sometimes lied to me by saying that he’s busy at work just to avoid meeting me cause he felt so tired. HELLO??? I’m not a dictator who always tells him what to do and order him to meet me. I’m not a dictator who always wants him to follow what I want. Meskipun dia bilang itu “white lies” karna dia mikirin perasaan aku soalnya kalo dia bilang ga mau ketemu aku karna cape ampe berkali2, aku bakalan sakit hati, makanya dia jadi bohong. Come on.. Ya iyalah kalo ampe berkali2 sih cewe juga mikir kali. Nih cowo apa ga bisa nyisihin waktunya sedikit aja yah? Makan malem bareng ato lunch bareng juga ga apa2, ga perlu seharian. Meskipun bentar tapi yang penting kan kualitasnya. Soalnya buat aku, I have my horrible days too sometimes, kalo lagi dalam sikon kaya gitu, denger suara dia aja udah jadi recharge energy buat aku. Buat bikin aku semangat ngerjain kerjaan aku. Apalagi kalo sampe bisa ketemuan, whis was never happened. Ok mungkin dia tipe cowo mars banget (as John Gray said) yang kalo lagi punya masalah itu narik diri dan masuk ke guanya sendiri, alias punya dunia sendiri. Tapi kan tetep aja, dia musti balik juga ke dunia nyata. Apalagi pas cewenya lagi butuh dia banget, kaya waktu lagi sakit misalnya… (hehe.. ceritanya ga mau nyerah, tetep bela diri, abis gimana dong kejadian waktu aku sakit emang nunjukin banget he’s not that into me… Cuma akunya aja yang masih maafin dan berharap everything will be fine in the end….)
Ada saatnya aku mikir apa aku kurang ngertiin dia dan kurang sabar ngadepin dia, apa aku telah menciptakan karakter cowo impian menurut imajinasi aku sendiri yang ga bisa dia penuhin, atau apa karna aku mendem dulu semua masalah yang akhirnya malah jadi bom waktu buat kita berdua? mungkin juga… Karna gimanapun juga kegagalan dalam suatu hubungan itu adalah kesalahan dari dua belah pihak, bukan satu pihak aja. Mungkin juga semua ini dimulai dengan aku yang mengabaikan semua tanda2 bahwa He’s Just Not That Into Me. Mungkin kalo aku ngeliat semua itu dengan jelas dan berusaha menerima bahwa he’s not into me instead of like what I did, mengabaikan semua itu and think that what I have is better than nothing, I wouldn’t have to suffer more. We wouldn’t hurt each other that much…
Intinya buat cewe, musti mulai mikir bahwa we deserve to be treated right, that we are worthed. Women just have to start to think that the idea of being with someone who is not really into you is better than nothing is just completely wrong.
Aku mulai menanamkan dalam pikiran aku that I should be with someone who is really into me, who needs me, who makes me the center of his life, who makes me feel being adored, who makes me feel like a real woman.. (susah yah?)
Aku amat sangat merekomendasikan buku ini buat cewe supaya bisa ngebaca signs yang cowo kasih, karna bener loh cowo itu ga bakalan bilang bahwa He’s not into you. Mereka mending bohong daripada bilang kata-kata itu ama cewe, alasannya sih karna mereka ga sanggup ngeliat muka kecewa si cewe, apalagi kalo ampe nangis. Jadi yah buat mereka mendingan bohong.
Jadi inget aja ketika kamu ngerasa cowo kamu kasih mixed message, sebenernya mungkin cuma satu message yang dia kirim : He’s Just Not That Into You…
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